Problems With Emotional Leadership

I confess - I am struggling with this topic. Not because I don’t think it is important, but because I may not be the best person to write about emotions. I am not a terribly emotional person so keeping emotions out of decision making is pretty natural for me. But as I observe every day, both inside and outside our organization, it is not so easy for everyone.

Effective leaders are very responsive to situations whereas leaders who are guided by emotions tend to be highly reactive. If the difference between those two terms seems minor, let me use an example.

An employee makes an inappropriate comment about a manager’s child. Make no mistake - the employee is 100% out of bounds with his comment. The reactive manager is understandably furious and immediately lashes out at the employee in front of several co-workers. As the argument escalates, additional comments about family members are added and the chances for a peaceful resolution disappear. The confrontation ends with an angry manager, an angry employee (or ex-employee) and an office full of embarrassed co-workers.

How would an effective manager have dealt with the same situation? First, he would take a moment to collect himself and plan his response, taking the immediate emotion out of the situation. He would then call the employee into a private conversation and deal with the situation honestly and directly. For instance, he might begin with, “What you said about my daughter was indefensible, but it was quite out of character for you. What caused you to make such a mean-spirited comment?”

With the emotional temperature turned down the employee would hopefully respond something like this. “First, let me apologize. I was attempting to be funny but the minute the words came out of my mouth I knew it was wrong. What can I do to show you how sorry I am?”

Because the manager was able to set his emotions aside the chances for a positive resolution increased dramatically. He knew the employee well enough to suspect that the comment was not intended to hurt him or his daughter. None of this is to suggest that relations between the manager and employee immediately return to normal. The effective manager would be watching closely to see if this is a pattern in the employee’s communication which he had previously missed.

When a manager bases his actions on emotions like fear, hurt or anger he loses his chance at objectivity. That is not to say that emotions should not have a part in decision making. Taking into account the likely emotional reaction to any decision is important. But emotions cannot be the starting point for the decision making process. Once an objective decision has been made, the emotional reaction can be anticipated and managed.



The goal of every leader should be to earn the respect of his employees and peers. The strong leader knows that some of his decisions will be unpopular and may even cause hurt feelings. There will be times when he may feel isolated or disliked. But in the long term, a leader who is fair, calm, consistent and objective will earn the respect he deserves.